It’s so easy to focus on the crappy things in life. I guess that’s because they have more impact on us physically and mentally, grief and stress are of course harder to carry than peace and contentment. Plus, if you’re anything like me, when life is going smoothly and I feel happy it makes me nervous as to what’s around the corner!
Life isn’t easy and anything can change at any given moment.
I myself have had some pretty stressful life events over the last year or so; car repairs that cost me into the thousands, being stuck on holiday due to Savannah having had an ear infection, losing a job last summer that I loved after the role was removed. Whether we acknowledge it or not, these things can take its toll,
I’m not sure why the above photo was taken, but it was taken in my office in 2019, not long after I had gone back to work following my marriage ending in 2018. I am so glad it was taken though, because it documents a happy and important part of my life.
When my ex husband and I split, we had not long moved to Norfolk, I didn’t really know anyone but family he had here and I didn’t work as I was a stay at home mum. It all felt very daunting.
Savannah had started school in the previous September, but in my head I had already decided I was going to move back to Essex. My mum was the one who told me not to make rash decisions, and to see how I felt when Savannah had done her first year in reception. The dust would have settled more, my mind would be clearer and I would be more certain on what I wanted. It would also be easier to move in the summer holidays if that was what I decided.
I am so glad I listened to her.
Over 5 years on, I am still in Norfolk and my life is unrecognisable to how it was then. I am unrecognisable.
I took mums advice and got a job in Norwich, where I very quickly made new friends and put down new roots.
After a few months on my own I decided to dip my toe in the dating pool – well, tinder – and also met someone who gave me a new lease of life and showed me what Norwich – and I – had to offer.
The job I had when I first got back into the office was poorly paid, VERY poorly paid actually. But it gave me friends I am still in touch with today, and consider very close friends.
When Covid hit, I was paid furlough and made amazing memories and spent some wonderful quality time at home with Savannah. (We won’t talk about home schooling).
That job ended, and I took another job I really didn’t want to take, but had no choice as I needed money! It was taking repair calls for a Housing Association, and, because my first ever ‘proper’ job at 19 was in a call centre, I knew how shit it could be.
I took it though and am so glad I did, because it gave me the opportunity to join an amazing company and start a career. A career I am now thriving in. I moved on from that role after 2 years and haven’t looked back since.
While yes, I could focus on the fact I once owned a house and am now renting again, or that my car seems to have something wrong with it every other month, I know I have come a long way.
I am now earning over treble what I was when I first went back to work. I have an amazing group of friends, both here and back in Essex, and I have an amazing daughter who I am determined to do the utmost to provide for.
When Savannah was at her dads last week, I was out every night with friends. To the point I was shattered come Saturday afternoon and had a nap on the sofa after getting home from Norwich Pride.
As much as I miss Savannah when she goes to her dads, I have a life now outside of being her mum, that I take full advantage of while she is away.
I am now saving so I can eventually buy us a place in the future, in the meantime though I don’t care that I rent. The flat is a good size and we have a safe roof over our head. Most importantly, we are happy.
The future is unknown, but that is what makes it exciting.
I stood outside in the evening sun the other night and thought that if me five or ten years ago could see me now, she would be both shocked and impressed.
I don’t have it all, but what I do have makes me happy and richer than I could possibly hope for; I have an amazing daughter who is thriving, a career that is progressing and that I love, and the BEST friends I could ever hope to have.
So next time life is kicking you in the tits and you’re feeling pretty crappy, take the time to look back on what you achieved and how far you have come in life. It will humble you, and inspire you. I promise!
Hi Nikki,
What an amazing and incredibly inspiring post and it comes as no surprise to me that your career is now thriving, as are you.
We worked together at the Housing Association but due to my mental and physical health struggles, I had to leave my job. The one thing I did take from that job though, was your friendship.
Sadly, I couldn’t stay in touch due and also needed to remove myself from all social media due to my mental health, but my wife has since continued to follow you on social and she has found your posts inspiring too.
Unable to avoid worsening mental health struggles, necessitated the need to take a huge step back from work and every day life in general, two years ago, with the decision to focus on my mental health being one of the hardest, but also one of the most important decisions I have ever made, despite financial implications resulting in insolvency.
Since being discharged from the care of the Crisis Team at a local mental hospital more than two decades ago, I have continually fought and tried to get the mental service to provide me with the help and support I need and, thankfully, in August 2023 I finally got a breakthrough and have since received the assessments and diagnoses I needed, which have helped me to understand my mental health issues (Complex PTSD, Psychosis and Personality Disorder). Following the diagnoses, I also received an initial 16 sessions of CAT Therapy, but this was increased to the maximum of 24.
Although I felt little benefit from the CAT Therapy, I was extremely grateful to have had such an experienced therapist, because he identified, or rather suspected, something no one else ever had, Autism, and earlier this year, 2025, I finally underwent a full autism assessment and received not me, but two diagnosis’s – one being Autism Spectrum Disorder (aka Asperger’s) and the other being ADHD. Needless to say, these diagnoses in particular have really been eye opening and somewhat life changing for me, because I know have a lot more understanding of myself and who I am and why I am. There’s still a long way to go and I still have an awful lot to learn and understand but, as I approach my 50th in August, I am now finally able to start to piece things together and make sense of my life, and that has given me some inner peace and calm.
As a result, I genuinely feel things are improving but understand it’s all about taking my time to build and develop slowly on each positive step I take to ensure it has longer lasting benefit and impact.
I always wanted to help and inspire others, like you do, but I’ve never been able to articulate my thoughts and emotions as well as you are able to. I appreciate your articles are mainly targeted at females, but I completely resonate with the way you so honestly and openly talk about your emotions and how descriptively detailed you are with regard to the impact your mental heath has on you at times, which I know first hand is not easy. Thank you.
I wish you every success Nikki, both personally and professionally. You genuinely are a very lovely person.