As I previously mentioned in my ‘About Me’ blog post, my life has changed quite a bit. For all of my blogging life I was married, later becoming a stay at home mum to Savannah who is now six. Since my marriage ended in 2018 however, I have been a working single mum and I get asked quite a lot about which I prefer.
Obviously I loved being at home with Savannah; bringing her up and teaching her those first milestones that babies tackle. I cried the night before her first day of school because I was devastated that our precious time together had come to an end.
Fast forward to today and gone is the mum bun and chocolate fingerprint stained T-shirts, replaced with rushed ‘that’ll do’ make up, messy hair and a pencil skirt. Yes, my life is busier and more stressful, I suffer daily from mum guilt and am sprouting grey hairs at an alarming rate but I am so much happier. I also truly feel this way of life makes me the best possible parent for my little girl.
During my time at home I did also struggle. I didn’t realise how detached from myself I had become and that it really benefits my mental health and wellbeing to feel like I am part of the world and earn my own money. I no longer feel like I am existing purely to serve everybody else’s needs.
While I regularly find myself stressed or worried (or shattered), I thoroughly enjoy being a single mum to Savannah and her happiness makes everything worth it. I also love being able to provide for her and the positive example I am setting too.
I would like to say at this point that I am not hating on stay at home mums. Raising kids and running a household is bloody hard work. I don’t suddenly think less of the role, I have just come to realise that it wasn’t for me. I know plenty of people who love being a stay at home mum and thrive at it. Happiness is different for everyone.
Also just because I am saying I am happier now, it doesn’t mean that single motherhood doesn’t come without its stresses.
It’s non stop from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep and it’s bloody tiring. A normal weekday consists of a stressful morning rush to get to school for 8am so I can get to work. Afternoons are full of homework, housework, reading, trying to fit in time together, (attempting) exercise, making dinner, bath time, bed time, hammer time…It can be relentless.
I am also now fully responsible for this house over my head, the car on the drive and the little person who sleeps across the hall from me. Sometimes the realisation of that hits me and I have a mild panic about it all. Luckily those moments don’t last long and I soon go back to winging it and hoping for the best (a large gin usually helps with that).
I am also always counting pennies and forever panicking about something sending me up shit creek like the washing machine breaking.
All this and I only have one child. My friends who do this with more than one deserve medals, live in masseurs and a free lifetime supply of Prosecco.
It is what it is though. Life is hard. I don’t feel my situation is any more worthy of recognition than the next persons and as long as you’re happy and healthy then that is all that matters. (Be it with a few more greys and wrinkles than last year.)
So yeah, I guess if I had to choose I would say I prefer being a single working mum. But I will treasure my time with Savannah in the first five years of her life forever. Those years with her were the best years of my life.
And I doff my cap to all the parents out there no matter what you’re situation, cos at the end of the day no matter how we are doing it our end goal is just the same; try and keep a small person alive with minimal damage along the way.
14 Responses
Excellent read Nicki. Firstly im so pleased you are happy with the life you have now, change isnt always easy but clearly its worked so well for you.
Secondly its just so relatable, probably to more women that care to admit it. Its easy to loose yourself when you’re a mum to a little one, or in my case several little ones, and its not always easy finding your way back if you dont have the right support . You have to take time to love yourself, the happier you are the happier they are.
Well done Nicki xxx
Thanks so much Rachel! I agree, I think mums (actually women generally) put so much pressure on themselves which in turn means they put everyone else needs and perceptions above their own needs. They would rather it appear everything is perfect than admit it isn’t. It’s so sad. Why is it still such a taboo for a woman to want to be a working mum or to find parenting hard sometimes? In contrast, why are women who love being a housewife and stay at home mum considered unambitious or lazy? Man, I think I could write a whole other blog post on this!
Thanks for reading hun. Hope you and the family are well. xx
I truly love your honesty, and I totally relate to so much. As a mum of four – at one point, I had two teenage boys, a toddler and a baby (while my husband often worked away 4 nights per week), and at the same time, set up a business and run a home. I can honestly say, I don’t know how I got through those years. But you’re right, 1 child or 4, it’s tough being a working mum, and to do it as a single parent, hats off to you.
Thanks Tanya! Appreciate you reading and your perspective. That honestly sounds like SO much more work than I currently do. As I said in a reply below, I believe it is difficult for everyone in all walks of life and different situations so we shouldn’t judge or think others have it easy just because there are two parents or only one child. You guys are proof that you can juggle family life and build a successful career. You should be so proud!That really isn’t easy. xx
Brilliant read babe…being a single mum of 4 I know that life would be so much easier not working BUT I couldn’t not work for my own mental state, I need the interaction and the busyness in my life and although it makes life chaotic at times, it also gives me a sense of worth when they’re at school. I feel like I’m setting them a good example, and that’s not me saying anything against mums that don’t work, it’s not always possible for them too and that’s fine. It’s just how I feel within myself. Sending love to you and Suvannah xx
For them to..not too ?
haha! Hate sneaky typos 😛
Thanks for reading lovely. So glad you related! It is so much harder for you juggling four small humans in your care but I totally agree with everything you said about setting them an example and your mental state. There are plenty who would look at us and think we’re mad to feel that way but everyone is different. None of us are right or wrong. Sending love to you and your family too hun, hope you’re all keeping safe and that we can all meet up soon! xx
Although I have never been a single working mum, I often think that if I had that one less mess (typically the adult male mess is alot worse than the 2 kids put together) to clean up after, and that one less adult meal to cook as soon as I walk in the door from work, could be a blessing in disguise ?
Joking aside, i do take my hat off to the single working mums. It is hard enough being in a solid relationship and working with two children, so I can only but imagine how it is for the single working parents out there.
Great read that I am sure many people out there can relate to in one way or another!! xx
Haha! Yes not having a man to clear up after definitely makes a BIG difference!
I do believe it is hard for everyone. Being two parents together and working or alone and working and I definitely miss certain aspects of my life at home with Savannah, mainly the time with her. I am lucky that I have been able to experience both. As long as we are doing our best, are happy, the kids are happy and (most importantly) have a huge supply of gin then that is all that matters! xx
Totally relate, I was a single working mum for 10 years. Being a mum is hard and nothing prepared you for it, but so damn rewarding at the same time.
SO Rewarding! Even on those difficult days I wouldn’t change a thing and am appreciative of what I have.
Very good read. You should be proud of all your life’s versions of ‘Mum’’.
Thanks Jenny, that’s very true!